Declaration
After a few days they met again.
They were seeing each other more frequently, probably cause of coincidence, but neither of them complained.
It was the night before Christmas Eve, so he had called all friends near and far to gather, it was a candy day and candy was provided. In small green and red paper strips all rolled up and filled with new hopes in different flavors and sizes, all with best wishes.
Soon all the presents had an owner and only they two remained. Fixing the tables and fixing the smell of Christmas.
All day she asked him what has wrong with him. He simply smiled and said it was the holidays.
All day he watched her move along. He could not hold inside what her discovery had caused in him. Slowly words came to his mind. Phrases coursed together. Images began to form. Like Marco, he was caught in stories with her every glimpse.Three days without sleeping had finally taken its toll. He knew this condition: He was mused.
She was his muse.
Again after so many years of peace and tranquility, the echos of past had come to pass. The dictating voices, the demons of songs, the angels that write were back. His poet had embraced his life once more.
He felt dizzy as the last of the presents recived its owner. He has sitting down in chair, one of the last ones, empty. He called her to share it, tapping gently the cold space in the chair to his side. It must have looked cute, because she did.
“I have a problem.” – He said near her ear, smelling her hair, closing his eyes.
“And you are going to tell me right?” – She was quick to answer – “I know you`re not ok. You know you can count on me right? Cause I see no need for you to be all sad and…”
“I`ve fallen deeply in love with you.” – He interrupted.
Silence beheld them. His hands stirred her hair. He struggled to breath, to catch her smell.
“You`re messing with me right?” – She said begging for a punch line.
“No. I am without any hope totally in love with you.” – He rose from the sit and offering his hand he asked: “Walk with me.”
They exit the restaurant letting everyone know they would be coming back in a while.
Her arm locked with his. Then the magic started.
They began walking down a park filled with lights and people, cheering sounds and smells of Christmas joined them in every step. He felt dizzy again, and could not listen to his mind. (He didn’t want to really)
They walked a few steps in silence. He finally round up the courage to talk.
“I know this is awkward. Please bear with me for while. I`ve always admired you, you know that, I`ve even let you know that I had a crush on you, but I have to let you know, else I will explode.” – He stopped walking and looked at her – “I love you. I know it sounds impossible, and ridiculous but I know so well, and you always keep on surprising me, and there is so much I like in you. You simple went under my radar and broke all filters. I simply…” - they kept walking – “… know we are perfect for each other.”
She simply walked by his side looking down in astonishment.
He thought that his words had to sound believable. He had never talked about something like this with her, or had talked about these kinds of feeling with her. He wished that his word served as a truthsayer for this declaration.
“As friends we have developed a forward relationship, you`ve always kept moving forward and we are constantly discovering things together. I know I can trust you with anything, small or big, cause it will get done and the few times we have worked on something together, I`ve always felt filled with confidence to take on any task. If you were in the crowd I would make a special effort to excel. Somehow you`ve always made me want to be better.”
They walked a bit longer. He was struggling to find the right combination of words. She was thinking or at least quiet.
“Just now? You love me just now?” – She finally said.
“Since the night of the party, all you said to me simply made me aware of who you are. I mean I’ve always loved the things you do, but until I understood what drives you to be this way, I simply had to love you.”
“I don’t know what to say. I must confess that it make me really happy to hear this. ( and I don’t know why) But I am with somebody… ”
He panicked - “I know, but I am not asking you to do anything. I simply had to let you know. Somehow I think if you know how I feel, I will be able to rest…”
He explained to her the Hagakure training he undertook then continued.
“… I guess that by knowing that you know I can focus on what I feel, instead of what I hide.”
“You know, this can’t be a moment.” – She said.
“What?”
“You know a MOMENT. I can’t be having a moment with you. I cant allow that.”
He looked around, happy people all over, lights all around them, music and Christmas all over the place. Magick all over.
“ I know. But it you were having a moment,” - he realized – “you would be in trouble, cause all of our walks, everytime we go out, it’s like this, and then all our past moments would be like moments, and all the future would be too.”
“You will get back to your old self soon.” – she said trying to relax the tension – “You will realize that is a passing phase and you forget this.”
“I don’t think so, you don’t know for how long have a felt that my love could not be improved, yet you come and talk to me about your self, and everything is amok in my heart. You simply are so deep in life that it’s not about liking you. This is love for me. I know what love feels like. I know what this feels like.” – his fingers wiggled between them pointing at their hearts – “I know how you feel like.”
He laughed surprised at his words, she answered with a giggle, they laughed a bit and continued walking. She smiled so he continued talking driven by the old rose, always trying to put himself in a shining armor and a white stallion..
“There is a promise I will like to make to you.” – He said as if asking for her permission, which was granted – “Something that I must ask then something I must do: I’m not asking anything from you, except that you are happy. I will not tolerate unhappiness. You must take this as an act of admiration and love; of true love. The best kind I`m able to feel so far in my life, but if I see that you are not happy, at any point for every reason, I promise I will act on it.”
“Ok.” – Both her arms wrapped around his and her head leaned on his shoulder.
He could not see her face, but he felt that she was smiling.
“Now there is something I must do,” – he looked at the stars, the real ones and the artificial ones that decorated everything around them – “and it is probably the hardest thing I will need to do every time we meet: I must endure goodbyes. They will be hard for life now begins when I see you and ends when we part. This will be my burden, but I will carry it thankful, for I`m alive again thanks to you. I had been in pause for so long, that I had forgotten how it feels to have a beating heart. I must endure goodbyes, and wait till time comes and I see you again, but I must not Muse you. Usually I can be away from my Poet cause her inspiration would always be with me, but in your case: I simply cannot raise you to that status, or I may not survive goodbyes, for I know that hellos are not really you coming back to me, they are just hellos.”
He sighted and laughed a bit to soften his declaration. He watch her while she looked at the bricks they walked on, she smiled at them, so he smiled too.
“I don’t know what to say,” - her eyes never looked at him – “but this makes me really happy. I don’t know why, but I feel happy.”
It was the second time she said she was happy that night, and he could live with just making her happy once per day, leaving all the magick in the park, they walked back to the restaurant in silence, where everyone was already doing something else and they were neither needed nor missed.
He parted thinking of Christmas, he had the perfect gift got her and only a day to get it.
They were seeing each other more frequently, probably cause of coincidence, but neither of them complained.
It was the night before Christmas Eve, so he had called all friends near and far to gather, it was a candy day and candy was provided. In small green and red paper strips all rolled up and filled with new hopes in different flavors and sizes, all with best wishes.
Soon all the presents had an owner and only they two remained. Fixing the tables and fixing the smell of Christmas.
All day she asked him what has wrong with him. He simply smiled and said it was the holidays.
All day he watched her move along. He could not hold inside what her discovery had caused in him. Slowly words came to his mind. Phrases coursed together. Images began to form. Like Marco, he was caught in stories with her every glimpse.Three days without sleeping had finally taken its toll. He knew this condition: He was mused.
She was his muse.
Again after so many years of peace and tranquility, the echos of past had come to pass. The dictating voices, the demons of songs, the angels that write were back. His poet had embraced his life once more.
He felt dizzy as the last of the presents recived its owner. He has sitting down in chair, one of the last ones, empty. He called her to share it, tapping gently the cold space in the chair to his side. It must have looked cute, because she did.
“I have a problem.” – He said near her ear, smelling her hair, closing his eyes.
“And you are going to tell me right?” – She was quick to answer – “I know you`re not ok. You know you can count on me right? Cause I see no need for you to be all sad and…”
“I`ve fallen deeply in love with you.” – He interrupted.
Silence beheld them. His hands stirred her hair. He struggled to breath, to catch her smell.
“You`re messing with me right?” – She said begging for a punch line.
“No. I am without any hope totally in love with you.” – He rose from the sit and offering his hand he asked: “Walk with me.”
They exit the restaurant letting everyone know they would be coming back in a while.
Her arm locked with his. Then the magic started.
They began walking down a park filled with lights and people, cheering sounds and smells of Christmas joined them in every step. He felt dizzy again, and could not listen to his mind. (He didn’t want to really)
They walked a few steps in silence. He finally round up the courage to talk.
“I know this is awkward. Please bear with me for while. I`ve always admired you, you know that, I`ve even let you know that I had a crush on you, but I have to let you know, else I will explode.” – He stopped walking and looked at her – “I love you. I know it sounds impossible, and ridiculous but I know so well, and you always keep on surprising me, and there is so much I like in you. You simple went under my radar and broke all filters. I simply…” - they kept walking – “… know we are perfect for each other.”
She simply walked by his side looking down in astonishment.
He thought that his words had to sound believable. He had never talked about something like this with her, or had talked about these kinds of feeling with her. He wished that his word served as a truthsayer for this declaration.
“As friends we have developed a forward relationship, you`ve always kept moving forward and we are constantly discovering things together. I know I can trust you with anything, small or big, cause it will get done and the few times we have worked on something together, I`ve always felt filled with confidence to take on any task. If you were in the crowd I would make a special effort to excel. Somehow you`ve always made me want to be better.”
They walked a bit longer. He was struggling to find the right combination of words. She was thinking or at least quiet.
“Just now? You love me just now?” – She finally said.
“Since the night of the party, all you said to me simply made me aware of who you are. I mean I’ve always loved the things you do, but until I understood what drives you to be this way, I simply had to love you.”
“I don’t know what to say. I must confess that it make me really happy to hear this. ( and I don’t know why) But I am with somebody… ”
He panicked - “I know, but I am not asking you to do anything. I simply had to let you know. Somehow I think if you know how I feel, I will be able to rest…”
He explained to her the Hagakure training he undertook then continued.
“… I guess that by knowing that you know I can focus on what I feel, instead of what I hide.”
“You know, this can’t be a moment.” – She said.
“What?”
“You know a MOMENT. I can’t be having a moment with you. I cant allow that.”
He looked around, happy people all over, lights all around them, music and Christmas all over the place. Magick all over.
“ I know. But it you were having a moment,” - he realized – “you would be in trouble, cause all of our walks, everytime we go out, it’s like this, and then all our past moments would be like moments, and all the future would be too.”
“You will get back to your old self soon.” – she said trying to relax the tension – “You will realize that is a passing phase and you forget this.”
“I don’t think so, you don’t know for how long have a felt that my love could not be improved, yet you come and talk to me about your self, and everything is amok in my heart. You simply are so deep in life that it’s not about liking you. This is love for me. I know what love feels like. I know what this feels like.” – his fingers wiggled between them pointing at their hearts – “I know how you feel like.”
He laughed surprised at his words, she answered with a giggle, they laughed a bit and continued walking. She smiled so he continued talking driven by the old rose, always trying to put himself in a shining armor and a white stallion..
“There is a promise I will like to make to you.” – He said as if asking for her permission, which was granted – “Something that I must ask then something I must do: I’m not asking anything from you, except that you are happy. I will not tolerate unhappiness. You must take this as an act of admiration and love; of true love. The best kind I`m able to feel so far in my life, but if I see that you are not happy, at any point for every reason, I promise I will act on it.”
“Ok.” – Both her arms wrapped around his and her head leaned on his shoulder.
He could not see her face, but he felt that she was smiling.
“Now there is something I must do,” – he looked at the stars, the real ones and the artificial ones that decorated everything around them – “and it is probably the hardest thing I will need to do every time we meet: I must endure goodbyes. They will be hard for life now begins when I see you and ends when we part. This will be my burden, but I will carry it thankful, for I`m alive again thanks to you. I had been in pause for so long, that I had forgotten how it feels to have a beating heart. I must endure goodbyes, and wait till time comes and I see you again, but I must not Muse you. Usually I can be away from my Poet cause her inspiration would always be with me, but in your case: I simply cannot raise you to that status, or I may not survive goodbyes, for I know that hellos are not really you coming back to me, they are just hellos.”
He sighted and laughed a bit to soften his declaration. He watch her while she looked at the bricks they walked on, she smiled at them, so he smiled too.
“I don’t know what to say,” - her eyes never looked at him – “but this makes me really happy. I don’t know why, but I feel happy.”
It was the second time she said she was happy that night, and he could live with just making her happy once per day, leaving all the magick in the park, they walked back to the restaurant in silence, where everyone was already doing something else and they were neither needed nor missed.
He parted thinking of Christmas, he had the perfect gift got her and only a day to get it.
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