love story 3
Sorry about the delay but this story goes faster than my heart can process and my brain lacks the skill to keep all things burning with the same intensity.
Let’s go back to that night.
He agreed to accompany her in the party. They both were a bit tipsy and were in a place where as guests, they had to be nice to all the new faces. So they did, they smiled until everyone was comfortable with their presence. Finally they looked for the quietest place to talk. A room at the end of the house would do the trick.
They pulled chairs and sat together. As usual conversation flowed, she started talking about herself. About what she wanted in life and about how her brain works and how proud she is of herself. He simply listened and was really impressed by her ways. He had always had her in high esteem but this time, understanding WHY she did the things she did, he was really impressed, and strange enough proud.
At some point he laughed at something she said (not at her, but at the way she said it, she always had always funny faces to quote facially on everything). She didn’t take it lightly and changed to a more aggressive position.
“I mean, you might not believe it,” - she remarked – “but I take really good care of all details. My memory is a great thing, I’m so thankful for the way my brain works. For example I have seen you around, I know the difference between you at 7 am and at 7 PM. I remember the way you are after a long day at work.”
“Really?” – He giggled (guys are not supposed to giggle, but he always giggled at her. It was their thing.) – “How am I after a day of work?”
“Stressed. Disconnected. You when the morning is starting are peaceful and easy going. You at 7 am I could live with, but at 7 pm you just want to finish what you are doing and get to the next thing you want to do. We have talked at that time and you simple ignore me. I think you are better at 7 am.”
He had never thought as himself as a different person when tired, yet he could picture in his head what she was saying. He really had hanged up on her when busy with no contemplations what so ever, and he had stretched up silly conversations several mornings on msn and over the phone.
Her insight on him was not only right, but easily understood and powerful. Understanding of oneself usually is not something that the brain can process quickly.
So his silly brain tried to protect his ego.
“It’s just something I do when I need to be concentrated to get the job done on time and on…” – he tried to mutter, but she interrupted, looking at him like she had never looked at him before.
Surprised. Mad. Angry. Almost as if he had take something dear to her and tossed it to the dogs.
“Shut up and listen.” – her eyes flashed and moisten by the second. He really expected angry tears to start running down her cheeks.
“I just wanted to say that…” – he tried to say in a softer tone, she interrupted again, covering his mouth with one hand.
“Let me talk. Listen to me.” – She ordered – “Don’t talk. Listen.”
He nodded. She took a deep breath and spilled. Every dot was a sight and every coma a tear.
“All I am saying is that if a worked with you I would have no other need but to be around you. I wouldn’t need any progress in my job or for my work to be shown. I wouldn’t care about anybody realizing that my job was amongst yours. I have a great mind but don’t need to be praised. YOU love that. I love to see you happy. You at 7 am, I could live with, I could be with, I could love if I wasn’t in love with somebody else. I know that, I would work with you to have you near and see how you progress and if I could help you out in doing so, it would be ok, it would be enough. I know that if I was alone or if the situation was different I would be your girlfriend. You would see me for what I want to do for you, and you would understand how my mind works, how I feel. You would value me above what you think I am today. The advice you always give to me would not be based on words and common sense, but on the fact that you are a man and I am a woman. I want you to value me for what I am. I want you to know what I am worth.”
He stood in shock for a few seconds say the right sentence, the perfect phrase to keep things light and chatty. His brain took too long, so his heart took over.
“I do value you. I value you above so many things, probably above everything.” – He wiped her tears and held her close to his chest.
They both cried in embrace.
His mind muted. He loved that state. He sees the girl that he is holding in his arms and remembers. Remembers things he has done for her, yet would not do for anyone, even family. Remembers time spent in her, for it would not be lost. Remembers small crush confessions to her over the phone, and when she returned to his life. Remembers how he admires her, and why he does so. Remembers longing for her company, calling her and asking for advice. Remembers moments when his stories would be amplified because she was in the audience. Suddenly they all came together, they all made sense, specially when he heard himself say whispering in her ear: “The only thing I have that I could compare with you, it’s my life it self, and even my life with out you, would be worthless.”
Mr. Ego has a problem. He prides himself in the old code, on being a Knight of the old order of the rose, and she has a commitment to someone else. His kind does not fall pray to love, his kind is supposed to lead with righteousness. Yet something had moved inside him. He felt for the first that… well… he felt. All work, all clients, all serious, all future, had left no time to feel, and a perfect excuse: -There was no one worth loving.-
So he shrouds his heart, just in time to hear their friend coming in the room, and they both parted.
Still the question remained: But what if there were?
“Classical YOU to make her cry man!” – The friend showing up unannounced and unwanted said – “Lets go, I already called two cabs. They are waiting outside.”
They parted at the outside of the house. Each one walked away and mounted their yellow ride. He texted her only a few blocks away. “THANKS”. She had awakened a feeling that he was really proud of: Proud of having it, proud of taming it. He thanked her from the bottom of his heart. For in the last 15 minutes she had reminded him of big part of who he was: His poet.
He had been in love for the last 10 years with an idea of the perfect girl for him, not perfect what so ever, but just right for him. He had loved as a mad man, and lost as a mad man. Now, a decade of experience later, he had recovered the power that love could give a man... with brain. Thankfully, and forbiddingly, he wondered if his benefactor would be someone in which love could grow.
His mobile beeped an SMS. “I LUV YOU SO MUCH THAT IT SCARES ME”.
He simply stopped breathing. Dwelling in the possibilities of capitalizing on a friendship as such for love…
Then something happened. An international call made the Nokia go off, he stared at the number and not recognizing it, realizing that it was well 3 am, he answered a cold: “Good morning?”
Over 5 countries apart, his poet, decided to call precisely after that SMS had arrived. Tamy said with a worried voice: “I can’t feel you. Where are you?”
His mind was moving faster that he could manage to explain the coincidence; he needed an answer, any plausible explanation for not been thrilled with her call. He didn’t answer as cheerful as always to her voice. She knew. Her question was clear and load, and her statement was impactful.
“I’m going home in a cab,” – he swallowed scared –“I’ve met somebody that makes me want to write. I found someone that makes me feel like you did, except that I trust her completely.”
“Oh my god! You’ve found your soulmate!” – Tamy said in a cheerful fashion.
That totally took him by surprise. He expected to hear her tumble to the ground; they both have had each other for so long, that they simply knew they always had and would have each other. Her cheerfulness really made him nervous, so he denied everything, not knowing the coward he was being.
“She has a boyfriend. That’s off my game. You know how it is with me.” – She had known him, and his rules of engagement almost for half his life. Still waiting for her answer longer than 4 seconds, he knew that she knew that he was lying.
“I’ve lost you.” – She muffled – “I’m in my company’s Christmas party. I’m going to Boston in two days. I’ll call you. Let’s talk then.”
As the cab slowed down by his house he simply thought: “I’m fucked”, and he was because after two days of not being able to sleep, or to get her of his mind, he had to tell her. He simple had to tell her.
How he did that, well… that’s another story…
Let’s go back to that night.
He agreed to accompany her in the party. They both were a bit tipsy and were in a place where as guests, they had to be nice to all the new faces. So they did, they smiled until everyone was comfortable with their presence. Finally they looked for the quietest place to talk. A room at the end of the house would do the trick.
They pulled chairs and sat together. As usual conversation flowed, she started talking about herself. About what she wanted in life and about how her brain works and how proud she is of herself. He simply listened and was really impressed by her ways. He had always had her in high esteem but this time, understanding WHY she did the things she did, he was really impressed, and strange enough proud.
At some point he laughed at something she said (not at her, but at the way she said it, she always had always funny faces to quote facially on everything). She didn’t take it lightly and changed to a more aggressive position.
“I mean, you might not believe it,” - she remarked – “but I take really good care of all details. My memory is a great thing, I’m so thankful for the way my brain works. For example I have seen you around, I know the difference between you at 7 am and at 7 PM. I remember the way you are after a long day at work.”
“Really?” – He giggled (guys are not supposed to giggle, but he always giggled at her. It was their thing.) – “How am I after a day of work?”
“Stressed. Disconnected. You when the morning is starting are peaceful and easy going. You at 7 am I could live with, but at 7 pm you just want to finish what you are doing and get to the next thing you want to do. We have talked at that time and you simple ignore me. I think you are better at 7 am.”
He had never thought as himself as a different person when tired, yet he could picture in his head what she was saying. He really had hanged up on her when busy with no contemplations what so ever, and he had stretched up silly conversations several mornings on msn and over the phone.
Her insight on him was not only right, but easily understood and powerful. Understanding of oneself usually is not something that the brain can process quickly.
So his silly brain tried to protect his ego.
“It’s just something I do when I need to be concentrated to get the job done on time and on…” – he tried to mutter, but she interrupted, looking at him like she had never looked at him before.
Surprised. Mad. Angry. Almost as if he had take something dear to her and tossed it to the dogs.
“Shut up and listen.” – her eyes flashed and moisten by the second. He really expected angry tears to start running down her cheeks.
“I just wanted to say that…” – he tried to say in a softer tone, she interrupted again, covering his mouth with one hand.
“Let me talk. Listen to me.” – She ordered – “Don’t talk. Listen.”
He nodded. She took a deep breath and spilled. Every dot was a sight and every coma a tear.
“All I am saying is that if a worked with you I would have no other need but to be around you. I wouldn’t need any progress in my job or for my work to be shown. I wouldn’t care about anybody realizing that my job was amongst yours. I have a great mind but don’t need to be praised. YOU love that. I love to see you happy. You at 7 am, I could live with, I could be with, I could love if I wasn’t in love with somebody else. I know that, I would work with you to have you near and see how you progress and if I could help you out in doing so, it would be ok, it would be enough. I know that if I was alone or if the situation was different I would be your girlfriend. You would see me for what I want to do for you, and you would understand how my mind works, how I feel. You would value me above what you think I am today. The advice you always give to me would not be based on words and common sense, but on the fact that you are a man and I am a woman. I want you to value me for what I am. I want you to know what I am worth.”
He stood in shock for a few seconds say the right sentence, the perfect phrase to keep things light and chatty. His brain took too long, so his heart took over.
“I do value you. I value you above so many things, probably above everything.” – He wiped her tears and held her close to his chest.
They both cried in embrace.
His mind muted. He loved that state. He sees the girl that he is holding in his arms and remembers. Remembers things he has done for her, yet would not do for anyone, even family. Remembers time spent in her, for it would not be lost. Remembers small crush confessions to her over the phone, and when she returned to his life. Remembers how he admires her, and why he does so. Remembers longing for her company, calling her and asking for advice. Remembers moments when his stories would be amplified because she was in the audience. Suddenly they all came together, they all made sense, specially when he heard himself say whispering in her ear: “The only thing I have that I could compare with you, it’s my life it self, and even my life with out you, would be worthless.”
Mr. Ego has a problem. He prides himself in the old code, on being a Knight of the old order of the rose, and she has a commitment to someone else. His kind does not fall pray to love, his kind is supposed to lead with righteousness. Yet something had moved inside him. He felt for the first that… well… he felt. All work, all clients, all serious, all future, had left no time to feel, and a perfect excuse: -There was no one worth loving.-
So he shrouds his heart, just in time to hear their friend coming in the room, and they both parted.
Still the question remained: But what if there were?
“Classical YOU to make her cry man!” – The friend showing up unannounced and unwanted said – “Lets go, I already called two cabs. They are waiting outside.”
They parted at the outside of the house. Each one walked away and mounted their yellow ride. He texted her only a few blocks away. “THANKS”. She had awakened a feeling that he was really proud of: Proud of having it, proud of taming it. He thanked her from the bottom of his heart. For in the last 15 minutes she had reminded him of big part of who he was: His poet.
He had been in love for the last 10 years with an idea of the perfect girl for him, not perfect what so ever, but just right for him. He had loved as a mad man, and lost as a mad man. Now, a decade of experience later, he had recovered the power that love could give a man... with brain. Thankfully, and forbiddingly, he wondered if his benefactor would be someone in which love could grow.
His mobile beeped an SMS. “I LUV YOU SO MUCH THAT IT SCARES ME”.
He simply stopped breathing. Dwelling in the possibilities of capitalizing on a friendship as such for love…
Then something happened. An international call made the Nokia go off, he stared at the number and not recognizing it, realizing that it was well 3 am, he answered a cold: “Good morning?”
Over 5 countries apart, his poet, decided to call precisely after that SMS had arrived. Tamy said with a worried voice: “I can’t feel you. Where are you?”
His mind was moving faster that he could manage to explain the coincidence; he needed an answer, any plausible explanation for not been thrilled with her call. He didn’t answer as cheerful as always to her voice. She knew. Her question was clear and load, and her statement was impactful.
“I’m going home in a cab,” – he swallowed scared –“I’ve met somebody that makes me want to write. I found someone that makes me feel like you did, except that I trust her completely.”
“Oh my god! You’ve found your soulmate!” – Tamy said in a cheerful fashion.
That totally took him by surprise. He expected to hear her tumble to the ground; they both have had each other for so long, that they simply knew they always had and would have each other. Her cheerfulness really made him nervous, so he denied everything, not knowing the coward he was being.
“She has a boyfriend. That’s off my game. You know how it is with me.” – She had known him, and his rules of engagement almost for half his life. Still waiting for her answer longer than 4 seconds, he knew that she knew that he was lying.
“I’ve lost you.” – She muffled – “I’m in my company’s Christmas party. I’m going to Boston in two days. I’ll call you. Let’s talk then.”
As the cab slowed down by his house he simply thought: “I’m fucked”, and he was because after two days of not being able to sleep, or to get her of his mind, he had to tell her. He simple had to tell her.
How he did that, well… that’s another story…
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